‘Processed for Strength’

I see life lessons ~ truths, if you will ~ in the oddest things sometimes.

As I educate the public about recycling and being sustainable, I am forever having to educate myself on the many recycling processes. The other day, I was studying the process of how plastics are turned into eco-spun – the material used in making clothing and other materials. I was fascinated – who knew I would get this excited over what many perceive to be garbage.

Very simply, the water bottles (*Polyethylene terephthalate (PET or PETE) (#1) are ground down, put through a wash to purify the granules and then melted into a taffy-like consistency. This ‘taffy’ is (for lack of a better word) feathered out in sheets on several large rollers and almost ‘combed’ into many fibers. If one were to grab the fibers before the end of the process and pull on them, the fibers would actually snap in half quite easily. There is one more critical step before this eco-spun is ready to be woven into materials:

It must get PULLED to it’s limit to GAIN strength.

We often feel tested throughout our lifetime . . . feeling perhaps, that if one more thing comes our way, we’ll literally snap. Unfortunately, there are those who give in to this self-doubt – those whose original foundation was perhaps not strong to begin with, however, most of us come with a small amount of two very important ingredients – that much needed ‘endurance’ and a good measure of ‘desire’ to grow – both of which INCREASE over time as we are tested.

Let’s look at this process again.

The bottles have to be collected
(set apart from the rest of the garbage)
The bottles have to be put through a grinder
(breaking it’s original form so that it can be changed)
The plastic grind has to go through a wash process
(to remove impurities)
The plastic grind has to be heated to a ‘taffy’ consistency
(the heat softens it into a pliable material)
This ‘taffy’ passes over several rollers and almost combed into fibers
(the material is being refined)
This fiber will then be stretched to give it strength
(pulling the molecules into proper alignment)

Being pulled, being tested to the limits is a necessary process in order to gain strength. Many may not understand but I will share that in my 40 years, I have come to understand that there is a PURPOSE for everything under the sun so this is no exception. Science is often used to DIS-PROVE God . . . I chuckle a bit when I hear that - for NOTHING can disprove God, people. A simple computer search on carbon fibers (which is basically what WE are) will reveal that when DNA molecules are properly aligned, they become stronger. Please pay attention to the words ‘properly aligned’. For those of us who understand the practice of chiropractics, therapy comes in the form of manipulating and aligning the spinal column – the axis of the skeleton – the center point that the rest of the body rotates on.

It’s ALL about the alignment. WHEN we are pulled tight, we are often forced to snap back into the original order of our alignment . . . we become stronger in our being when we align to His axis.

‘HE gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless’
ISAIAH 40:29

So, for those of you who feel as though they cannot be pulled a minute longer, please take comfort in knowing that HE already knows your limits . . . what won’t kill you, really will make you stronger.

‘Addictions . . . ’

Addictions . . . we all have them . . . it’s just that some are not as easily recognizable to the general public or our closest friends.

I have a friend who is struggling through one even as I type. I have been witness to many things in my life time, but until now, I have not had a front row seat to see first hand how difficult the very physical struggle can be to ride one’s self of a mainstream addition.

. . . big sigh . . . I find that in all things along the journey of ‘ME’, God is showing me very real examples of the many struggles I go through in my own life. Until this latest, I did not realize how very real my own addictions are.

A few weeks ago, when it became very real with this friend, I felt that crack in that foundations again ~ you know, when your perceived reality is shaken a bit by something you think could not be possible. Then, when you realize that, ‘Yes – it is quite true’, the world around you starts to melt away and the floor beneath you becomes more unstable. You begin to see all too clearly that the thing others struggles with, is the very thing you struggle with – only under a different mask.

This dear friend recently surrendered to a long-time addiction and has since felt the damages that have come along the way. In the very manner this addiction manifest itself in the physical form (taking hold of the victim and making the body become a slave to it’s presence, this addiction also manifested itself in the form of destroyed relationships, jeopardized employment and stolen securities. Try as they might, this friend could not simply ‘stop’ for the addiction found a way of creeping in. It literally controlled my friend and when this friend tried to stop, the physical being would go through very real manifestations, like ‘the shakes’ and a clouded mental capacity making it nearly impossible to stop.

One night, as I tried reasoning with this friend yet again (one cannot take the substance away, the addict has to push it away for the healing to begin), something became very evident to me. In the very manner I protested – TWO things flashed before my eyes – areas of my life that I have ALLOWED CONTROL over my better judgement.

It’s almost as if a huge spotlight was held over my head . . . and isn’t that the way it says it will be (‘judge NOT lease you be judged’). For the first time, I realized I was holding onto things in the same manner that this friend held onto the alcohol. The difference . . . mine was more a relationship and a mode of operation . . . not mainstream in the least – but still addictions in their own right. What some would perceive as ‘normal’, I have recognized as areas that ultimately hold me back – never to the extreme . . . but enough to recognize the subtle damages over TIME.

In the very manner my friend is having to follow – the 12 steps to recovery - I have vowed to do the same with these areas in my own life – the first one being the admission that I am not going to allow these additions to go on.

So, to the many who want to dig a little deeper to find the root of their existing problems, know this – among what might be a huge pile of negative debris from the years lived before, I can promise you that there will ALSO be a beautiful TREASURE that will be WORTH holding onto. I pray that you gain strength to release the things that are holding you back and also endurance to sustain you when you need to reach out as that brass ring is presented before you.

These are the original Twelve Steps as published by Alcoholics Anonymous.[8]

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

‘Bi-Polar . . .’

A recent article caught my eye. The headline: ‘Bipolar disorder in Children: A new look’

The reason it caught my eye . . . I am a product of bi-polar genes. I say that with caution because the proverbial ‘THEY’ have not proven that there is a gene for this and currently there is no blood or brain imaging test to prove anything – only that of diagnosis based on symptoms and family history. See, growing up, my mother struggled with this disorder and her father before her, much the same. As I grew up, because it was in our ‘genes’, my father was always on watch to make sure we four children showed no signs of the illness.

As adolescence came into the picture, I began doing my own research on how hormones play a key role in emotions, etc. and I stayed alert to the many changes within myself. I recognized that if I did not stay IN CONTROL of my SELF, I could eventually cave to it’s control . . . I chose to rise above it and stand guard to it which often left me open to receiving ridicule for being too ‘strict’ with myself. My friends could not understand why I didn’t allow myself to party more. I thickened my skin to this peer pressure and lived the only way I knew to SUSTAIN ME.

Further into my adult-life, while I had worked so hard to stave off particular habits that would weaken me, I began to recognized other areas that I did not stand guard against and began to see signs in me that were clearly symptomatic of this disease.

In the same manner that one has to guard a FORTRESS, we have to stand guard for our SELVES. There were weaknesses that I had developed over the course of my life-time and BECAUSE I ignored those soft-spots, I easily allow ENTRY to the many enemies that wanted to attack. WHEN I was rebounding from giving birth, my resistance was much lower – my hormones were OFF-Balance and I would often surrender to the negative emotions that sleep deprecation brings on.

I was against taking any medication in the beginning – from my stance, that would be ‘admitting’ I was a failure. I thank God for sending me a friend with SOUND advice. She pointed out that in the same manner that a HEART PATIENT had to take medicine to keep their heart pumping after an attack, this patient would have to use the ‘band aide’ of the medicine WHILE they ate right and exercised to STRENGTHEN their heart. She reminded me that eventually, WHEN the heart was strong enough on it’s own – this patient might be able to go off the actual medicine that STABALIZED them.

Because of this, I did take that advice and was grateful for the band aide while I needed it.

During that time, I PURPOSED myself to grow stronger and rebuild – my physical health (lost weight, became more active, cut back on negative foods, made sure I got plenty of rest – but not too much), my emotional health (gave up negative behaviors, etc.) and most importantly I REBUILT my spiritual health (my fortress using GOD as my foundation).

A few short years later, another friend of mine gave me SOUND ADVICE that the ‘BAND AIDE’ was ONLY good for the short time it served it’s purpose and now that I was strong enough, that band aide was, in effect, KEEPING ME from HEALING ALL THE WAY. So with much prayer, and under the supervision of my doctor, I took his advice and WEENED myself OFF of the meds.

Like all things different, I struggled a bit to find BALANCE in my new skin but I can say in all honesty that I am a few years into this new REBUILD and I can tell you that I have been able to WEATHER some rough waters over the course of these last few years and I have remained STRONGER than ever before.

So, now, I sit hear reading many headlines and hear of the staggering rates of diagnosis and it makes me look a little harder to UNCOVER the TRUTHS of these illnesses. See, I have three children of my own and I will FOREVER stand guard to the attacks that come their way. I will forever be aware – of the ever-present THREAT that will always hover over my family lineage – a threat that will ONLY become real if I ALLOW it to take form.

Like all things, I went to the WORD itself to find the beginning of truth.

BI-POLAR:

1 : having or involving the use of two poles
2 of a neuron : having an efferent and an afferent process

Basically we have two sides of an IMPULSE – one pulls towards and one pulls away. An IMPULSE is any SUDDEN, involuntary inclination prompting to ACTION.

IN LIFE, we will always have two choices – to go TO the thing that is POSITIVE and GIVES STRENGTH . . . or to run AWAY from it. Our actions reflect accordingly.

When we ALIGN with the positive – it gives us STRENGTH, endurance – producing a positive action.

When we ALIGN with the negative – it removes our strength, it weakens our endurance – producing a negative action.

When we BOUNCE from positive to negative, we DISPLAY SPORATIC behaviors . . . in essence we are double-minded. All the GOOD is counter-acted by the presence of the bad and we end up having a reputation of DISORDER.

Medicines are often used to LIMIT our abilities to bounce from one extreme to the other.

In the same manner, BOUNDARIES keep us from bouncing from one pole to the next. When I SEE my children acting in extreme behaviors, I REMIND myself that they are just in need of BOUNDARIES . . . of POSITIVE reinforcements. I pray and then act accordingly and in a short time, they settle their behavior and the disorder is gone. This PRACTICE keeps me from obsessing over the perceived family curse.

In today’s world where DIAGNOSIS and CAUSES are more prevalent than actual CURES and FIXES, it is my prayer that we would ALL be mindful of necessary BOUNDARIES to keep us safe from ever increasing DISORDERS.

Keep digging . . .

‘A R T . . .’

The Class.
The Teacher.
The Grade.
The FUTURE.

The ART CLASS:
A class in which you learn ART

ART –
(7.) the principles or methods governing any craft or branch of learning: the art of baking; the art of selling . . . The Art of LOVE . . . THE ART OF WAR!

There is an ART to doing all things . . . ART is not about pretty pictures . . . . it’s about LIFE.
What you end up doing with it . . . can be ultimately beautiful . . . breath-taking . . .

FACTS:
In ART, one must learn TECHNIQUES.
In ART, the ART is based on the EYE of the Beholder.

LEARN the techniques . . . but MAKE THEM YOUR OWN.

The TEACHER:
There will be many in one’s lifetime – Some will teach what TO DO . . . others are there to teach what NOT TO DO.

See them for what they are and figure out how to interpret the lesson.

The GRADE:
Grades only count on PAPER.
SCORES only count to people keeping score.

Know this – While ONE does not live by someone else’s grade – the WORLD always keeps score. Figure out a way to REMAIN in the GAME . . . but do not allow someone’s score card to dictate one’s own worth.

The FUTURE:
WHEN does one stop learning? If one spends all their time trying to just GET OUT of class, one will never appreciate the journey of LEARNING.

There is an ART to doing ALL THINGS . . . figure out how to stay IN CLASS.

‘TV Reality Shows . . . Nothing New under the Sun’

Ecclesiastes 1: 9 ' . . . so there is nothing new under the sun.'

By now, I don’t believe there’s a person out there who doesn’t recognize the name of the very famous TV show ‘Survivor’. One internet search claims that it ‘launched a cultural phenomenon’ – that is to say that it is claimed to be the BEGINNING of an extraordinary example of the accepted values of a society (well, if you put all those definitions together).

The premise of 'Survivor':
Basically, 16 strangers are REMOVED from the comforts of their everyday life to ENDURE hardships – hardships that ultimately make them STRONGER PEOPLE - for a period of time (oddly enough almost 40 days), risking JUDGEMENT in an effort to RECEIVE the coveted REWARD at the end of their ‘MISSION’ Trip.

Jesus says to give up the comforts of our life and endure hardships for a time (ultimately refining us) in order to have life and life more abundantly.

Another one . . . 'the Amazing Race’.

The Premise of this show:
Basically, a group of 11 people are to PARTNER with one (who will help them) as they are WILLINGLY manipulated through a series of journeys which have them leaving behind the comforts of their life to SEEK CLUES and greater understanding of the PATH they are to take in an effort to receive the coveted REWARD at the end of their ‘mission’ trip.

Paul says in Hebrews 12: ‘ . . . to run with endurance, the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus . . .’

Another one . . . “Extreme Makeover Home Edition”

The premise of this show:
This one’s a bit different – a take on helping the home-LESS where one deserving family has their DISTRAUGHT home LEVELED, and another amazing home is built with the finest ingredients by the hands of MASTER CARPENTERS . . . all done in seven (7) days.

In all cases – and trust me when I say that I could name many more – but, in all cases – the program viewer SITS on the sidelines week after week for the duration of the show and literally WATCHES as others actively participate in the desired mission. Many cheer on favorite contestants and most CRY several times during the course of ‘Makeover’, many of us just needing to ‘FEEL’ again.

ALL the contestants – not just the winners – usually GAIN so much for merely having experienced the mission.

Many who engage in these shows regularly, do so to simply be a PART of something BIGGER than themselves – bigger than their everyday routine allows.

OH . . . if only they knew . . .

My prayer is that you will CHOOSE to get into the REAL game of life . . . look a little deeper . . . seek a little further . . .

‘Chasing a Good Name . . .’

I often see many insights in movies . . . what can I say, I dig movies – great escapes that ultimately bring me back to a more insightful reality.

I have referred to the movie, ‘Sommersby’ a few times now. Richard Gere plays the character of one man who actually (because they could have been twins in appearance) steals the NAME of another man after this man’s death because his own was one of bad reputation. The GOOD in him wanted desperately to LIVE the life of that GOOD NAME.

So I began to think . . . What’s IN a name?

When I tapped into dictionary .com, I was shocked to see that there were 35 entries for this one little word – more reinforcement to what I already know – there is MORE to a name than many want to admit.

There were a few definitions that really struck me:

The Obvious:
1. a word or a combination of words by which a person, place, or thing, a body or class, or any object of thought is designated, called, or known.

We are KNOWN at first sight by something.

The Specific:
4. a reputation of a particular kind given by common opinion

We are KNOWN at first sight by something . . . and then BY COMMON OPIONION – by reputation – something GAINED after TIME, we are recognized by a more SPECIFIC classification based on our ACTIONS.

The Insight:
22. designed for or carrying a name

We are KNOWN at first sight by something . . . and then recognized by Reputation . . . BUT this reputation often grows out of something that we were actually DESIGNED to become.

We have a genetic make-up in the PHYSICAL REALM which is our body function. But we ALSO have a genetic make-up in the SPIRIT REALM – that which we were INTENDED to become.

And WHEN we live and ACT OUTSIDE of this SPIRITUAL genetic make-up – we often develop a NEGATIVE reputation . . . something we were never INTENDED to have.

In the movie, Richard Gere’s character NEEDED to BECOME the GOOD NAME that was inherently IN HIM. In the end, He was WILLING to DIE OFF in order to REMAIN the GOOD that that name carried.

~

You will not always understand what you are ‘chasing’ . . . but I can promise you that you will RECOGNIZE it WHEN you eventually ‘catch it’. . . because, like any good name, the things that ARE intended for you all along . . . WHEN you KILL OFF those things that were NEVER INTENDED to be . . . like a struggling plant that is freed from the tangle of weeds . . . it will eventually GROW YOU to good reputation . . .

Keep Chasing . . .

‘SHIPWRECKED’

Ever hear the story of the shipwrecked man?

A man finds himself stranded on an island, shipwrecked and he prays to God to rescue him. Days go by and he continues to pray. Finally an odd little ship, humble in it’s appearance, stops and the unlikely captain says, “Need help?” – “No thanks”, replies the man, “God will rescue me”. So off sails the little odd boat and many more days of praying go by. Finally another boat, little larger and more normal in appearance stops on the island, “Looks like we came just in time – hop on board” says the captain and the first mate. “No thanks”, replies the man, “God will rescue me in a very special way”. So off goes the second boat . . . and so on and so on. Soon, the man perishes and finds himself before God when he asks, “WHY did you not rescue me, I prayed earnestly and you did not come?” After a long sigh, God replies, “I sent many to rescue you . . . but you ignored them all because they didn’t come in a manner that YOU wanted or expected.”

COMFORT vs. CHANGE

All too often I find that people would RATHER stay shipwrecked . . . sadly, it’s the easier choice . . .

‘Russian Roulette’

Today, I am deeply saddened by the news of a friend that had been in a terrible auto accident. She was returning home from work this past Wednesday when she was in this horrible accident that left her with major head trauma . . . and within just days, she has passed away. She leaves behind a husband and three daughters.

While I know deep down, this is not the case, I feel sometimes there is a larger than life game of Russian Roulette being played. I sit here and think of all the times I have been so careless behind the wheel – putting my head down to look for something, taking that call and trying to drink my coffee at the same time, breaking up a fight between my kids where I peer in the review mirror to give that “you’ve pushed me to the limit” glare – all the while driving at regular speeds. I am fully aware that on several occasions, the Good Lord has spared me from my stupidity.

I am betting that this friend played by the rules. I am betting that this friend was driving appropriately.

So it makes me wonder . . . WHY?

Why does the ONE have to go while the IDIOT still stands?

I sit here tonight, quite shaken from this news . . . these last few weeks have been quite heavy with the passing of another great woman in my life – a woman who was blessed to have a long life – and many other stories of courageous health battles, etc… I sit here and feel a little bit like I did after 911 – when I realized my sense of ‘security’ had been stolen.

I sit here and think when is that bullet gonna hit me? Just how many times have I put that gun to my head as I spin the barrel of carelessness?

Many . . . including myself, will often share sympathetic words like, “there’s got to be a reason for all things . . . “ If this reason is partially to help ME realize something, I am truly sorry to the family of this friend. I hope you all realize just how great she was and just how much her passing will forever remind me to be more responsible behind the wheel – to appreciate every moment as if it truly is our last.

We will miss you Janet ~ 3/29/08

‘Loosing Seasons often bring out the WIN’

I’ve written about my kids lately . . . much can be revealed through viewing their young lives . . . poignant passages to our own live in so many ways.

Recently my eldest son wrapped up his basketball season – a tough season as they closed with only two ‘official’ wins on the books. I reference – official – because while this may be etched in the official books, they have actually had so many more winning games in spirit. They played their hearts out. Theirs was a season that started quite awkward – so many new players to this team. While many had played before, and quite well I might add, this was the first time many played together. Anyone even the least bit familiar with sports knows how crucial TEAM compatibility is to having a winning season. Very much in the manner of the young newlyweds, that first season can bring pure joy or bring much anxiety depending on the way things come together.

The Head Coach was a drill sergeant of sorts and many a practice had the boys almost falling over. He got a bad wrap in the beginning for his overly aggressive personality and his quick temper. Had I only seen this side of him, I would have been quite disappointed and tempted to remove my son from the game. I am not soft – but it appeared that he was the negative that kept these boys down. What I soon discovered (from attending the many practices) was that he truly did care for these boys – he earnestly wanted them to succeed . . . so much so that he gave them quite a talk during the wrap of their last practice. He admitted to them that they had made many mistakes – but that he, too, had made many. He wanted them to know that while the season appeared to be pretty crappy, he was extremely proud of their performance – that he had never seen a team IMPROVE so much in the shortest time and he was hoping that it would end up being the ONE SEASON that DEFINED their remaining seasons. He shared that he had only had two loosing seasons in the past – one as a player and one as a coach. He shared that it was those times that MADE him what he was today. He admitted that he slipped this season – that he became aware of many things from this season – many things that he would not soon forget . . . another loosing season that would define him.

This struck a pretty tight chord with me as I have recently walked through what many would view as loosing seasons. Sometimes, life tosses us in with the toughest team players and while we fight like hell to win that game, the final score ultimately reveals a LOSS. In the beginning, when my stamina was quite low, I would have hung my head, allowing myself to get taken down by the official record of society's stat book. But, somewhere along the way, I started recognizing that the official records ONLY matter to those KEEPING SCORE.

I started to recognize the Seeker that I was, the Fighter that I had become and the ultimate Winner I was meant to be.

I honestly don't believe that I would have realized this had I NOT played in those Loosing Seasons . . . for they truly were the times that defined what my character is to this day.

So, to the many who walk through the disappointments of Life’s Loosing Seasons, my hope is that you will lift your head to see the UNOFFICIAL WIN . . . the win that will end up meaning the most in the long run.

Keep playing the game . . .

'Patience'

PATIENCE is the darndest thing . . .

A friend of mine shared, rather humorously (I’m trying to get her to blog!), a moment from her day and a confession of sorts about the events that tested her patience. As always, the dig started, I replied and this is what was shared:

Friend:

I honestly think God was trying to teach me patience today in leaps and bounds. I head out to go to the post office and get stuck by the loooooooooonest, slooooooooooowest train. Then I stopped by Jewel to get us some more creamer for the office. So I figured I'd pick me up some Tostidos, Cheese and fresh salsa from the deli for my lunch. There were 2 people ahead of me and 2 deli clerks. Thought, ah, that's not bad. Shouldn't be that long of a wait. Of course both people were getting enough cold cuts, cheese and salads for a giant party it seemed. And even worse, this goof ball guy (as cute as he was) gets the last of the salsa. I almost kicked him in the knee........... hey dude, that was for my lunch! And I know from past experience when I was the one to get the last of it (didn't quite fill my container) that what they have in the deli case is all they have. Needless to say, I walked away frustrated. Then I got get my nasal spray and the creamer and head to the Osco counter to pay. Of course the cashier is at the other end working on the picture developer. I'm like.... helllllllllo, you have a customer. Finally she comes. Then I get to the post office and head in. Of course there's the tiniest, most adorable but painfully sloooooooooooooooow little old lady in her cute black slacks, bright pink jacket and matching hat. She's doing to Tim Conway shuffle. I didn't want to disrespect her and go speeding around her, so I just shuffled behind her. Then I stop and get gas on the way back. 29 freaking dollars! Well, there goes another paycheck. Steadily prodding along trying to get back to work before the 11:00 whistle blows and (our scale-guy) turns into a pumpkin I get stuck by yet another slooooooooooooooooooooow, looooooooooooooooooooong train. Son of a gun!!! And then last but not least I get stuck behind the sweeper truck. Ok God, I have patience already...... cut me some slack here.

My reply:

Darlin - you should be a writer - a true gift you have (you really don't realize how great you are - do you?) Almost pee’d my pants with your descriptions.

PATIENCE is the darndest thing - yes, you and Chava really do have it (patience) better than anyone I know (I long to take your example) - but often times it's tested NOT to see if you have it - but to KEEP you APPLYING it so it does not harden. The VIRTUE has to be WORKED regularly for it to be in PRIME SHAPE. Make sense?

ALSO - Take a minute and think back on ALL those that crossed your paths during that time. Had it not been YOU - someone might have knocked that little ol, well-dressed gal down. Had it not been YOU, some counter gal might have gotten chewed out - Had it not been for those two people in front of you - especially that guy who took all the salsa - it might have been YOU that ended up with a stomach ache because I'm betting that salsa was not good!

PROVISIONS are made in ALL ways . . . you just have to be willing to SEE IT.
Well done, good friend.

Remember: When you pray for patience, you will not be given the virture but rather EVERY OPPORTUNITY to GROW the virture . . . when you have the virture, you will be given the opportunities to continue to APPLY that virture.

Keep seeking . . .

'Don't Cheat the Journey'

My daughter recently tried to race through some home work, not wanting to face the fact that something was throwing her a bit (most things come easy for this one and she falters when she has to try a bit harder at times). She was having to read through a chapter to find a specific adjective – something that answered the question, “What kind of?” I asked her to read aloud and noticed that she was just hunting for the answer. She was getting frustrated and she just wanted to be done. When I called her on it, asking her to tell me what the content of that part of the story was – she said she wasn’t paying attention because she just wanted to get through.

I took pause for a moment as I realized that my daughter is very much her mother when I was that age, for this was how I used to live most of my younger days – racing through to get to the end so that I could be on to the next thing. When I was young, I wanted to be older, when I started a project, I wanted to rush past the important steps to get to the fun parts – when I was in sports I wanted the games and none of the practices . . . when a problem came my way, I just wanted to fix it so I could move beyond the discomfort of the situation.

As I got older and life set in a bit, I began to realize that while finding a quick solution may be necessary for some things, it’s not always the right answer for every problem. What I found in trying to operate in this mode was that more than not, the very thing that I thought was the answer often became the source of more questions. Because having an answer is one thing – UNDERTANDING the answer is something all together different.

I told my daughter to go back and re-read - slowly - so that she could SEE what she was looking for. Along the way, she discovered that the story she sped through before was actually interesting. She spent a little more time and began to understood the characters, how the story was unfolding and all of a sudden, she stumbled upon the answer. She actually saw it quite easily and she had peace because she wasn’t so bent on the mission. She actually enjoyed the journey of discovering the answer.

I have found that life is very much like this. When I try too hard to get to where I think I need to be, I miss out on discovering the details of the journey. I miss out on the unfolding of my character – on what I can become as I walk along the journey. I’ve discovered that short-cuts, even in heavy traffic can end up taking much longer then the orchestrated route.

Stay on course and don’t cheat your journey . . .

‘To be or not to be . . . the Groundhog'

Two amazing fellow bloggers have recently posted entries that mentioned February and it’s character leader, the Groundhog. One even went as far as to add a definition for the groundhog and you all know how I love those definitions. I’ll have to be honest, up until I saw this entry, the only times I fondly thought about that little guy was in remembering that I had many friends who worked on the making of that movie “Groundhog Day” including a friend who is actually in one of the scenes. And more fondly still was when my first son was about 2- 2 ½ years old and on the way to his grandmother’s house we saw a groundhog. Try as he might to say the name of that animal, it would always come out as “hound-grog” – had me in tears then . . . still gets me going when I think of it today.

Anyway, I was looking at that definition again . . .

From Wikipedia:
"Groundhog Day or Groundhog's Day is a holiday celebrated United States and Canada on February 2nd. In weather lore, if a ground hog, also known as a woodchuck, marmot or ground squirrel, emerges from its burrow on this day and fails to see its shadow because the weather is cloudy, winter will soon end. If the groundhog sees its shadow, it will return into its burrow, and the winter will continue for 6 more weeks."

. . . and something hit me.

If you’ll notice – it’s never the people that scare the groundhog . . . it’s the shadow of himself that does him in.

We are oftentimes very much like the groundhog in so many ways. We get spooked by our own shadow – the demons we allow ourselves to hold on to – those vices that we all know we have. We allow them to take up residence within us and even on our supposed best days, they sneak up on us and scare the hell out of us, making us scamper back into our protective holes ultimately giving authority to the unending dreariness of our heart’s winter.

Oh to be the groundhog who alludes his oppressive shadow. Oh to give way to the birth of new things as we allow Spring to grace our hearts in a more timely manner.

Any good farmer knows that the only thing a hole is good for is for planting seeds of hope.

Hope for a good harvest.

Hope for what is still to come.

Here’s to climbing out of that hole and looking the other way . . .

' Just a little Taste . . . '

Energy drinks . . . they’re everywhere now. My kids have friends who pound these things through the day. Did you catch that part – my kids . . . have friends who . . . These are mere teens (pre-teens actually) who feel they NEED these things to get through the day. Amazing.

Now before I begin this rant – for that is what this part will definitely be – I will admit to my own vices – I have a few that I cannot seem to shake – habits that I had started long ago that while I say that I am working on finding ways to break them, I obviously don’t WANT to give them up just yet (another insight all together). So, without wanting to give the impression of thinking that I am holier than thou – I get it – things are hard to shake.

What concerns me are the ever-increasing growing trends with these supplements. Ours is a society that spends tons of money on ways to make our lives EASY . . . then spends the remaining money on ways to ward off the effects of BEING lazy. Seriously – if you sit long enough for the commercial breaks – you will see the one ad for the robot vacuum (because WHY SHOULD YOU have to clean your home?) and then several following ads on weight control items and work-out equipment. Because our society has put themselves in such a state with horrible eating and excercise habits MANY feel as if they cannot make it through the day WITHOUT added boost. Mere CHILDREN now feel they cannot do the same and they are getting hooked on these drinks which are not good in large doses.

Do we really NOT SEE the stupidity in all this? But I digress . . . the whole point of this entry was to share how EASY it is to fall into a trap.

My son has literally been HOUNDING me, to just TRY some. There’s something I wanted to say about him at this point – that even though I know he is not perfect and will probably try other things, I was pretty impressed that he listened for the most part on this one. We went round and round one day on WHY I didn’t want him to even TRY IT.

His argument for trying – ‘But if you let me just try it, I will know and not want it anymore’.

My argument for NOT trying it – ‘But when you TASTE it – you will know what all the fuss is about and will WANT more because it’s harder to SAY NO to yourself once you’ve tried it.

When we rounded this discussion for the 20th time, I finally said – why do you think the message for not using drugs is JUST SAY NO? He said – ‘but that’s different because DRUGS are bad for you’. I said – yes but so is THIS – it’s just accepted by the public as NOT BEING BAD.

Hmmmmmmmmmm . . . . when you break something down, you know?

How many things in our life do we KNOW to be ‘NOT GOOD’ but yet we open that door – just a little . . . just a taste . . . . I can stop. I have grown to recognize what my vices are and have to honestly admit that I still allow for times when I just want to be weak. I can also admit that I know there are reasons why I shouldn’t even start and have gotten much better at recognizing what I shouldn’t even TASTE, as I recognize it to be something I know I would want to continue. Progress is a good thing.

Regarding the energy drinks with my kid – we ended by doing an experiment. I pulled into a convenient store lot and allowed my son to run in and buy one of those cans – I could see that he was just too bent on trying and wanted him to be under my supervision to discuss things. This was the progression of his experience:

Initial reaction - one of excitement: “I can?!? “
Then – doubt: “Are you sure – I won’t if you really don’t want me to”
(He returned after making the purchase but hesitates)
Reaction from purchase - Observant: “wow – this small can cost $$$$$”
Hesitation again as he cracked the can open and smells it.
Reaction - one of realization: “ wow, it smells good“
Hesitation as he sips . . .
Reaction - again one of realization: “it actually tastes good, Mom . . . “
Decision: “ I don’t really want anymore . . . “
A few minutes goes buy . . .
NEW DECISION – with another sip: ‘ It does taste good, though . . . ‘
Contemplations as he put his eyes down – almost like he didn’t want to look at me.

I asked him a few questions:

How many of these cans did you say your friend drinks during the day? (shocking answer)
How much money do you think he spends daily? (shocking answer)
How is his energy level after a few hours? (he is the most tired of all his friends)

My son realized that what appeared to be a great thing is actually the beginning of many future problems. He realized that the experience was not as grand as he had imagined it to be. And finally, he now realizes what he has to say NO to – which will be harder.

Oddly enough – the flavor that he tried . . . GREEN APPLE.

Know your limits . . .

‘ T R Y as you might . . . '

I believe to understand what someone is saying, one needs to remember the character of the one using the word. Truth often comes out when one speaks . . . it’s just a matter of HEARING what they are really saying.

Shortly after the breakup of my marriage, I was on a mad search to figure out what exactly went wrong. I went over many of the conversations leading up to the final decisions and I began to look into the definitions of specific words. What I started was a process I have dubbed as ‘definition surfing’ where one definition leads to further seeking of another descriptive word and so forth (true word digging, if you will). What surprised me most was that most words have MANY definitions listed – many different from my own understanding of that word . . . had I just taken a minute to see this then, perhaps I would have understood better where the mind-frame was as the time.

We often grow up understanding the meaning of something based on the definitions given to us by our parents and other influential people in our life. Most times we never take the time to look up what each word means. Because of this, we often USE words based solely on our limited understanding of them. Again, I was shocked to see the OTHER definitions of some of the key words. I could go on about this understanding alone and how it is SO critical to have a FULL understanding of things in order to effectively communicate. What I have found with the use of some words is that what often BEGINS as a positive often ends up as a negative as the chosen word becomes a veiled excuse for some.

When I was growing up, there were two words I was not allowed to use in my home: CAN’T and TRY. I definitely could not used the word Can’t and I could ONLY use the word Try if it meant that I was trying something NEW for the first time. I clearly understood the reasons behind the first but I struggled to understand the latter. After all, we are always taught to at least TRY our best in all efforts.

Later, I came across TWO others who preached adamantly against that word as they claimed it was a COP-OUT for actually ‘DOING’. In fact, one had even gone on to say that it was a very deceiving word for one who didn’t want to really DO at all. Sadly enough, in recent years - all three of those people – who so passionate preached against it, now use this word the most. All three people, who have been beacons to me over the years, now make me take great pause as I am forever disappointed by their undelivered promises . . . newly developed character traits . . .

Since the weather has all but blown, I decided to take a few and go surfing – a revisit to that word that is used most often in today’s language.

TRY - to attempt to do or accomplish.
ATTEMPT - to make an effort at
EFFORT – 1) The use of physical or mental energy to do something; exertion.
2) A difficult exertion of the strength or will.
3) A usually earnest attempt

What amuses me most about VIEWING it in this manner is that if you trail the definitions, the last one I listed actually lists a great truth (usually) – what may begin as an earnest attempt . . . starts to slide as one begins to realize the mental and physical energies that have to be spent in that effort.

Another truth - not one definition states an actual achieved accomplishment – only an attempt.

So, to the three in my life – please, do not even bother ‘trying’ . . . cuz I already know you will not . . . newly developed character traits and all . . .

Keep digging . . .

'Finding the WIN in the small Print'

It’s amazing what most view as a WIN. My son’s team, try as they might, forever seem to end in a losing final score. However, they have played several amazing games. I have watched as this team has developed in their skills over the weeks and have gone from awkward and unfamiliar to athletic and team-aware. I find agreement with that old adage, ‘it’s not the score that counts but how you play the game. They play their hearts out most of the time.

Today was like that for me . . . but rather than ON the court – it was another day IN court. Acting as Pro Se (the on-going battling of my Ex and the subordination of my previous lawyer have all but rendered me lawyer-free), I was shown favor from the Judge on a critical matter as he made his ruling in my favor – a true blessing, an answer to many long prayers. But this ruling was veiled in additional legal banter, tossed out petitions and stern warnings for potential future issues. What should have been a fairly festive ride home for me turned into more of a somber one. I was trying to make heads and tails of the wrap up discussions, what my future play was to be with these tossed out petitions and how very odd it was to NOT have a pending court date. Pavlov’s response dies hard when the stimulant is suddenly taken away.

The reason I was feeling so heavy was because today was OPPOSITE of what I normally experience. Comparing it to what I am trying to teach my son about his games, for the first time, I left court feeling like even though I got the overall WIN – I didn’t necessarily play the game all that well. I left feeling like that legal world kicked my butt and I am but a very small fish in a very large legal tank. I felt like what normally should have been a BREEZE as the attacks from my Ex are so unwarranted, MERE legal WORDS can break even the best of us. There was a critical point in today’s proceedings where I felt my foot slip and I realized how critical lawyers are to staying a float in the courts – one can have all the proof and truth behind them but if one cannot LEGALLY present this, it can fall through the cracks.

So, after all was said and done, I sat quietly – for a time. The more I thought and prayed on it, the more I began to recognize some things.

I began to look at the attitudes of the judge and the opposing lawyer today. The judge pointed out several things to me - particularly with an area of MY mis-filed petitions (I just don’t have time to go to law school right now). While he said, “I cannot give legal guidance on how to properly file these papers . . . “ he actually repeated the area where I made my mistake (to which I diligently made note). He went on to comment about potential future attacks from my Ex (almost as if to say, “Head’s up – patterns have been as such so PREPARE for this”) perhaps it’s only wishful thinking on my part and this was not really what he was doing, but trust me when I say that I have been in his courtroom long enough to watch his character . . . (he was the one that granted me leave in the last proceeding to FILE one of the petitions – something he spelled out that I had not thought to do).

Additionally, the lawyer seems to have a different attitude, normally very cold and curt with me, he was rather cordial today. As with every appearance, an order must be written up on what transpired. While he recorded that the Judge ordered the petitions to be stricken, he made his last entry a cordial one reminding me of the option to refill those petitions if I so choose to do. Again - trust me, his writing is not normally this nice or informative.

While I pray that this is truly the end of a very long battle – I’ll take the peace while it is here and opt to not re-file my petitions at this time. I choose to END my funk by realizing that I really did have a WIN-WIN with this one. I may have left feeling as if I made a few technical fouls, but I played as well as I could – with all I had. I got the favored ruling, I got a little direction from two unlikely sources and I got overall PEACE . . . for the first time in a long time.

Until next time . . .

‘Unlikely Heroes’

We hear so many stories of heroes - men and woman who serve in the armed forces, men and woman who are on the line daily on fire departments, police, hospitals and the civilians who steps up to the plate when called . . . all worthy of our recognition, all worthy of our on-going support. Trust me when I say this because I know a few and they stand above the crowd in most cases.

But there is another group of people, a more ‘unlikely hero’ who, most likely will never receive the recognition many feel should be made when acts of unselfishness are so very clearly expressed. See, that’s how I define ‘heroic’ – a random act of unselfishness.

Recently, I spent the morning with a woman who I most definitely consider a hero . . . would even call her a true ‘Saint’ but a good many have no concept of what that title really means so I will steer clear of that one for now and set it aside for another time. This woman – a friend of mine, has recently taken a leave of absence from employment to live with and tend to her niece who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer – I will spare the details as it is not my story to share – and will only tell you that her care is greatly needed as there is a husband working hard to manage his job so that he can care for his wife and 4 younger children, the youngest who is only 18 months.

As my friend graciously stepped into the role of care-giver to her niece, she took one giant step into that of a part-time mother, chef, house cleaner, family event coordinator and spiritual guide and counselor to the extended family who is also reeling from the reality of this diagnosis. This friend walks humbly – and carries herself in a manner worthy of the call as she presents herself fresh and beautiful to those on the outside of this intimate story. That is to say, one would never know by her outward appearance that she has taken on these additional tasks as she has made sure that it about the task at hand and NOT the heroic efforts on her part.

So, to my friend and to the many who walk in such a manner, while I believe we are all called to be heroes – unlikely heroes, that is, your lead is exemplary and I hope that I can live a life as worthy as you have made yours.

Be a hero today . . .

‘Stopping the Clock”

At one of my oldest son’s basketball games, my youngest son had asked how long we had until the buzzer went off. I tried to explain that while each period was divided into 7 minutes, those 7 minutes could actually take 20-30 minutes (if not more) to run out as the clock had to be stopped so often for various obstructions.

Today, my kids were all asking me to do things with them when I told them that I needed another 15 minutes to finish something I had started earlier that morning hoping to have had finished before they even woke but had been interrupted. About 30 minutes into it, they said the proverbial, “Mom, you said . . . “ referring to the ‘ONLY 15 MINUTES’ part. I turned table and referenced that 7 minutes in a game thing and said that DUE to the constant interruptions – especially those that were due to actual ‘FOULS’ made on each other that very morning – that my 15 minutes had gotten stretched . . . and very much in the manner of a real game . . . I would indeed be using up all my clock time. They didn’t necessarily like this stance, but they couldn’t very well argue. Oddly enough, the remaining minutes worked out to be close to real time.

This started that dig as I wondered more about all the times we must stop the clock because of our actions.

I believe that everyone has an ordained plan. That these plans are set in motion as we come into this world, and that we often knock ourself off these plans due to the many decisions we make along the way. Until now, while I often think of the clock . . . I never really considered the buzzer – but isn’t that what everything always boils down to in the end . . . TIME REMAINING???

I imagined MY many choices – completely stupid, some of them as I had been quite the hot-head growing up – that must have caused many a clock to stop as God blew a whistle on my many fouls. At times, I feel He must have whistled me right out of the game as I reached my 5-foul limit within the first few minutes of a new endeavor. And just like the players are hopefully taught, tough call or not, one is not supposed to argue the call least he be thrown out for un-sportsmanship. Usually the one penalty is followed by another personal one as the player now has to answer to the coach for getting tossed out.

I began to wonder even further – just how many minutes I have added to my ongoing journey to finding the Promise Land? The desert walk becomes so very long at times.

Not one to cry over spilled milk, I continue to move forward with hopefully greater understanding of how the game is really to be played. I work diligently on understanding the rules and practice often to hone my skills. I think again to the game as I realize that those last few seconds are usually the most exciting as it is not so much what is going on IN the game but rather what will be recorded AFTER that buzzer goes off.

Until next time . . .

‘Hanging from a Tree . . . ’

Legal jargon gone awry . . . there’s a reason why lawyers have to go to school for so long, the legal language along makes one’s head spin.

I am growing weary as my re-enlistment into a personal legal battle forever seems to be at the hands of this now foreign enemy. Sad how domestic battles seem to mare the face of a once secured ally, for I do not even recognize this man I was once very intimate with. But, like all things in recent years, I resolve to accept it as a part of my pre-ordained plan as it seems to have primed me for the many things that come my way these days. Perhaps it prepares me more for way down the unforeseen road of my life (“wax on, wax off,” says Mr. Miyagi – a blog in and of itself for another time). But truly, truly I can say each day, ‘I am still blessed’ as I seem to find enlightenment from every rock over-turned. I find that I have these ‘Whoa’ moments that a few select have actually found humor in simply observing the contortion of my face when the ‘lil light bulb goes off . . . well-earned wrinkle makers, that’s what those are. I’m sure I would have earned a whopping ‘10’ with this next one.

Knee-deep in paperwork and a trail of communications, I was trying to deliver a counter response to an on-going recent battle over misunderstood holiday visitations – namely Christmas time – different from the rest as it encompasses a two-week span. Due to the individual school district dismissals, there was – once again a disagreement on the interpretation of the split time: If we based it on the actual observed holidays and the actual days the district dismissed, the split time would not make sense. My stance: since we have to follow the district holiday break, we overlook the actual observed holidays and just celebrate in the even split – that way each parent would get equal time. This was not agreed upon and it was pointed out that we must follow the agreement to the letter of the written word. In my argument, I pointed out that the orders were to be used as a guiding post – to be used only if there was complete disagreement among the parties but even then to be used with interpretation. It was in the best interest of the children for both parties to work amicably together with any arrangements. This was not well received, so I hunkered down a bit more stating that if we tried to follow this agreement to the exact letter of the law, we would ALWAYS get hung up on things like this. That it would, in fact ‘screw us’ as we would always run into times where circumstances would continually change – we needed to focus on the principals of the agreement – the key points of the agreement – in essence the promises of the agreement if we were to . . . . .

“ W H O A . . . . “ (yeah, good thing I was typing an email . . . this was where my face did that funny contorting thing) I went on . . . . we needed to remember the agreements were based on promises or principle ORDERS not the actual words that made up the order because over time, the nuances of our daily routines will change but the REASON for the order will NOT. I shared that I was not trying to destroy the order . . . but merely uphold it as it applied to the current situation . . . I was doing this because I loved my children and I wanted them to have equal time with each parent as they felt they needed.

Unfortunately he does not agree with the interpretation for he does not want to understand . . . I am sorry for him on this account. But I do understand and all the more BECAUSE of this burden, so all is not lost. And it will always be for reasons such as this that I regain strength again and it all becomes worth it.

When you are digging, don’t forget to look under the rocks that seem to hit you in the head . . . because they’re meant to be a direct hit, they are usually quite painful and unfortunately the most overlooked.

‘Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us – for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree” . . . ‘ ~ Galatians 3:13

‘ Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to fulfill.” ~ Matthew 5:17

‘SNOWPLOWEN’

Wow, we’ve really taken quite a hit by the snow this winter . . . it feels as if it’s never going to stop. At least that’s what I imagine to be on the minds of the poor soles that have to plow. The radio station I listen to took a poll the other morning on the longest hours out on service. Some men called in claiming over 72 hours straight with no sleep. At first thought, that was alarming – to think that these guys are putting themselves and others at risk just to clear the roads for us. Then another thought hit me:

While we are all going about our day, do we ever stop long enough to realize the little services that help us get through the day? We run at such a fast pace, many of us paying NO attention – until that is - the services STOP. And boy, you can bet we’re the first to notice then . . . and probably yet, the first to complain.

Just like the company I work for, “Waste Management”, many come in and out of our life to merely CLEAN UP or MANAGE a mess so that we can CONTINUE in a manner we’re accustomed to. We go through our whole life having others CLEAR paths for us – some paths that have been filled by debris not of our own doing and some that have been filled by our own doings. Never once do we stop to take notice let alone ASSIT with the clearing. So again, it made me think, “What can WE DO to make the system work a little better for everyone?”

First, RECOGNIZE that we are but a mere PIECE of a much bigger puzzle and there are MANY who play a part in creating the ability to go about our day. Recognize the importance of the service – period. Without these men and women working all hours, in the freezing cold to clear these roads, we would not make it home let alone to work. Recognize that our need to be on the roads actually makes it HARDER for them to do their jobs and limit your travel time – besides, it’s just safer practices. Have patience as we follow – never too close and don’t try to pass as they have a heavy load to maneuver. If one pulls into the station next to you, buy them a cup of coffee and say thanks.

This recognition should not stop there – to the fireman, the medics, the police, the utility man and women, the garbage/recycle haulers and yes, your postal carriers. Our life is made so much easier by all they do and if I have failed to mention anyone, my apologies to you all. Our hats come off to you . . . have a warm day.

‘Comfort Stations”

There’s a gas station about midway between my home and my new place of employment where I stop to get a cup of coffee every morning. I stumbled upon it one morning when I was trying yet another route in to work. It’s a rather busy place, larger than I usually prefer (I have grown to enjoy the small-town stops along the way) but the minute I stepped in I realized WHY it was so busy every morning. While it was quite the one-stop shop, complete with its own mail drop and UPS service right outside, there’s a familiarity that hits you the minute you enter the door. Marie is the guilty one for that. An elderly woman – quite spry for her age – she tends to the coffee stations for about three or fours hours in the morning and then she goes home. She humbly says, “that’s all I do – I JUST do the coffee . . . “ I wonder if she even realizes that she’s the reason the coffee tastes so good . . . that she’s that one ingredient that the other places don’t have. I wonder if she realizes that in this very short time, I have grown to depend on her to start my day.

There are people in my life who are a lot like this gas station – a lot like Marie. Throughout my life I have gathered a few very dear friends to me and I find that I need to stop in and re-fuel when the ‘ol tank is low, when I need a warm drink because it’s a bit cold on the outside or just when I need to clean my windshield from all the tear-drenched streaks.

Comfort Stations are always dependable, always well stocked and always within my price-range. They are available to others but always make me feel as it they've opened JUST for me. I could travel many roads and still know that when I cross that particular intersection, I am welcomed to stop in, at a moments notice, as if no time had gone by.

Many a good station has been discovered from driving on the roads less traveled. I have discovered that I’m a back-roads kind of gal by nature. While the big city lights with it’s cultural coffee stations add some fun to my days and nights of curiosity, my heart always brings me back to these special stations . . . because nothing seems to compare.

Enjoy your morning cup of coffee . . . I'll always drive a little extra to make sure I do.

P.S. ~ If you are ever in the area (Spring Grove, IL) stop in to the Citgo Station on the corner of Route 12 & Spring Grove Road. Rob, Cindy and Woody all play their part in this great package deal. Thanks guys for helping to keep us warm on these cold, cold days.

‘Whittling away at the Good Stuff”

Have you ever watched a whittler at work?

The artist - Creator - if you will, begins with a vision, a raw piece of wood and choice carving tools. An experienced Whittler knows His wood. He knows from the beginning the perfect END application that is best for each individual piece of wood. Slow and steady strokes are made – precision scoring for He knows how to apply the right amount of pressure at just the right time. He knows what to remove . . . He know just what to keep. This process can be long and even arduous depending on the chosen material - the harder the wood - the harder the work . . . but eventually . . . from an otherwise ordinary or even less than average piece of wood, a beautiful image begins to take shape. If you’ve ever watched a whittler at work, you’ll know that while the work takes a long time, the image that eventually takes shape is breathtaking when it is complete . . . and well worth the wait.

Now, if you’ve ever stood long enough in a crowd watching these amazing artists, there is always one in the crowd (possibly even yourself) who assumes that the whittling endeavors are quite easy and proceeds to pridefully take control of a carving tool and try his hand. The unskilled carver often chisels away at the good along with the scrap, damaging the work of art in the process. Such is often the case as we take control over our lives. Impatiently, we often grab at the carving tools and begin to shape our ‘self’ – in the image WE believe we should be.

I believe that a person is only as good as his/her good name.

All too often, the good work that is being done on us – IN us is often compromised by the work of our own hands. One, who’s walking in the good carves a little slice away as he/she rages out at another – slices even more away as he/she delights in another’s fall – slices away still yet when he/she compromises the Order and Rules set before us in order to get just a little farther in life.

A good Whittler knows - it’s usually the tiniest of nicks that causes the greatest change in the overall appearance of the final piece.

As I have grown, I have been blessed with many artistic talents . . . but even today, I’ve never been great with a carving tool. My precision is not sound – my timing is often all wrong and I often don’t realize my own strength – using too much force when I’m to be softer in nature.

Looks like I’ll be leaving that job up to the professional . . . so in the meantime, I’ll just keep digging.

‘In my Dad’s defense . . . ’

(Reposting from an older site . . . the extreme weather made me pull this one up again.)

DEFENSIVE is an interesting word. I used it recently when explaining something to my kids. We were talking about DRIVING and following the Rules of the Road. I explained that when I started driving, my Dad taught me many things. He said that DRIVING was a PRIVELEDGE – one that I had to EARN and one that I had to work hard to KEEP. And above all else – I needed to be DEFENSIVE.As I grew older – I was often told, by my Dad, that I was "too defensive" about personal things. That I needed to "relax" and not be "so defensive".

How is it that one word can be a positive and a negative?

As I grow older, I have discovered that in all things, there is a BALANCE. As I’ve stated many times, I reference definitions a lot, so bare with me. One definition for the emotional DEFENSE is this: "excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to one's ego, or exposure of one's shortcomings."Although we should be mindful not to overreact to things, if we were to FOCUS on that first part of this particular definition - "excessively concerned with guarding against (a) real or imagined threat" – we MIGHT see that the balance is already in there.

Back to DRIVING. I have been watching the news and reading about the effects of the winter weather – especially in the upper states. I have been paying close attention to the comments and complaints of the public and that of the local agencies.Here are a few clips from the news:

The PUBLIC:"Why would they have that exit open if they were just going to let us sit there?" from a woman who was stranded on the road for over 20 hours with her 5-year old sick son."How could you operate a state like this? It's totally disgusting," a hyperglycemic man, who was trapped for over 20 hours with his girlfriend and pregnant daughter.

THE RESPONDERS:"Guardsmen in Humvees ferried food, fuel and baby supplies to hundreds of motorists stranded on a 50-mile stretch of highway for nearly 24 hours."

My Dad, taught me to be a defensive driver. My Dad taught me to be ALERT. My Dad taught me that it was MY JOB to pay attention to the CONDITIONS of the road and to PREPARE for ANYTHING. That, if the weather was not safe - stay off the roads. I was taught to service my car regularly and to pay attention to the little things. I was taught to pay attention to the ELEMENTS and have SUPPLIES in the car in case I got stranded.

NOW, much older and partnered with a Director who is adamant about being PREPARED, it has become my own passion to REMIND my children and hopefully friends, family and even the public that it is THEIR job to Be Alert, Pay Attention, Be Prepared for all things and above all else . . . STAY DEFENSIVE.

Thanks, Dad . . . I continue in defense with the integrity you instilled in me . . .

‘Greater Understanding makes for Happy Feet’

My grandma used to tell me not to worry about the size of my feet ‘Big feet just means you’re going to have good UNDER-standing, Sweetie’. I wear a 9 ½ - 10 depending on the shoe. My grandma knew a thing or two for my feet are proportioned well for my height . . . well for my purpose . . .

A friend of mine came up to me at work the other morning and chatted for a bit. We were speaking about movies and sound tracks. Knowing that I have children, she asked if I had ever seen the film, “Happy Feet” (Animated film about a penguin in an ‘ugly duckling’ scenario). I shared that I hadn’t as my kids had seen it with their father. She raved about it . . . then said, “I really loved it but I think it’s BECAUSE I saw ‘March of the Penguins’ (documentary about penguins) a few weeks BEFORE”. She explained that she had a greater understanding of the little nuances of the animated film – why the singing was such a big part – why the little guy was ostracized at first . . . she told me about some of the habits and ‘customs’ of the penguins and then said, “I’m not sure if everyone else understood all those things or just missed out on the full meaning of everything.” (Wise woman, Trace) To which I said, “It’s amazing what one SEE’s when one has a greater understanding of the HISTORY of something.”

When I begin anything new, I dedicate a few extra minutes to the history of the project. When I meet someone for the first time, I take a few minutes – and maybe many more if the relationship – business, friend or family – allows it to find out from where this one comes. It is amazing what a small piece of information can do in the greater understanding of things. Recently, I had a meeting with an elderly gentleman whom I had met briefly before. This time, we had a few extra minutes so I asked him three things: “I am assuming you are first generation American, from where did you come?” ‘Yes – Germany’. “When did you move here?”, ‘1946’ and “What was your profession?” ‘Tool-Maker’. In three little questions, I understood the essence of the man that stood before me . . . and his character ultimately aligned with my new insight of him for he sought me out to fullfill a promise he had made to me in our first meeting.

One thing is often REVEALED with the help of another. One cannot fully understand the NEW without looking deeper at the OLD. Such is the case with scripture.

As we ended our conversation that morning, this friend and I (well, we had to work, you know), I shared with her that UNTIL I took the time to study scripture . . . my church experience wasn’t all that great. After I started putting in the effort to seek further, every service seemed to send me away with something new. I received a greater RETURN every time I deposited TIME into the effort.

It’s always there . . . greater understanding, that is . . . one just needs find the right shoes.

'Very Simply . . . God won’t bother’

Risking daggers again, but this needs to be shared. Please see my heart.

As a parent, I LOVE all three of my children the same amount. I DELIGHT in their individuality. I TAKE PRIDE in their abilities and continued growth. I DESIRE for each of them to BE good and to DO good and in doing so, desire for them to HAVE happiness and success. Most times, I want NOTHING MORE than to just spend time with them. But, I have to be honest - I struggle to WANT to spend time with them when they are being difficult and do nothing to change.
I struggle when they come to me with complaints but refuse the guidance I lay out for them – or worse yet, agree to follow my guidance and then change it to suit their comfort needs. I struggle with this, because they ALWAYS come back and complain more and even blame ME for the effects of their poor choices as if I should have done more.

My two older children have made the following statements to me, “You love (so & so) more than me.” A comment I usually IGNORE. I finally sat them down when they were old enough and said, “Look, I love you both, but I do not enjoy spending time with you when you treat me like this. I will love you always – nothing you do will make me stop loving you, but I will NOT CHASE YOU and I will not sit with you if you choose to act this way. Trust me, I have other things that are more enjoyable for me. When you are ready to change your attitude, you know WHERE to find me.”

I have noticed, in myself, that WHEN one of my children is struggling, I literally HURT inside for them. I want so badly for them to make the right choices but I often grow weary of trying with them. I am literally TURNED OFF by their behavior and have to LIMIT my participation with them lest I rage out at them. When they DO finally start to come around, it’s as if I SEE THEM out of the corner of my eye, making a small change. While I am spending time with the other two, I keep one eye ever present on the third – just watching . . . waiting . . . hoping for a change in attitude. Then I start to see it – but I don’t pull away from the other two as they deserve my full attention at that time. I wait for the wandering one to make the FIRST EFFORT to come our way . . . I open the circle of activity just enough to see if they are willing to put themselves out there for me. And when I see the effort made, I often have to hold back my JOY and eagerly wait for the RIGHT MOMENT to wrap my arms around my child and say, “WELL DONE . . . I am so proud of that decision and effort”. I usually cannot wait to BLESS them with something FROM ME.

Hopefully you will see where I am going with this. In the same manner as I am with my children, God grows WEARY of our habitual behaviors. He grows weary of our lackadaisical efforts. He is WAITING for us to DISTRACT HIM with our renewed efforts.

For those of you who may still not get it . . . get off your couch, stop complaining and give God a REASON to pay attention to you.

‘Follow that Yellow Brick Road’

In keeping theme, let’s go with another film analogy. Only this time I will begin with reference to a rather unusual sermon. Yes, a while back, a friend of mine delivered an incredible sermon on ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and until then, I had never viewed this movie under this light. I hadn’t seen this movie for quite some time but since then, it doesn’t seem possible that I could have missed these messages all these years. I will not recap the actual sermon for I could not do it justice, but I will point out a few things that I have recognized since then:

1) There is a definite ROAD that we must all be on. Veering from this road will, not only cause us harm and heartache, but it will cause us to wander aimlessly into dry and dusty terrains . . . sometimes for long periods of time.

2) We are all born with an innate drive to SEEK OUT the one that has all the answers. Most of us have no clue what or why we feel the initial need to seek.

3) Just like Dorothy, most of us spend so much time looking to specific things to help us get ‘HOME’. The power was never in her efforts but rather in the gift that she received when she first arrived. Dorothy was given a gift of RED SLIPPERS – a covering to keep her safe on her journey, without which, she would perish. She found peace and guidance in Glenda and eventually realized the mighty power of 3.

4) Scarecrow just wanted a BRAIN. He felt because he was just made out of hay – a simple stuffing, that he was somehow less in his abilities. When he initially tried to THINK too much, he got frustrated. He ended up being the wiser one because he eventually allowed the knowledge to come from WITHIN.

5) TINMAN just wanted a HEART. He convinced himself that because he felt empty inside, he didn’t have one. Oddly enough, when he placed himself in situations that needed one, he always had the biggest heart. Scientific fact – the heart is a muscle – when a muscle is not used regularly, it becomes weak and even hardens – atrophy, it’s called.

6) LION just wanted COURAGE. He kept to himself and feared stepping out but once he had others to think about, he was able to rise above his fear to act courageous. His initial fear also gave him a reverence for things greater than he.

7) While each one had his/her specific goal, they were ALL willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Each one for Dorothy and Dorothy for each of them. Sacrificing for the others was imperative to their journey.

8) The witch, while seeming obvious - look again - for her character was troublesome during the stint in OZ, but when Dorothy awoke, her troubling neighbor was actually quite kind - having a change of heart BECAUSE of the example of Dorothy and her family.

The questionable character was TOTO, you know her ‘little black dog’ - while appearing all cute and cuddly . . . he was often the source of many of Dorothy’s problems and derailments . . . perhaps we’ll save this one for a later time.

‘Out of the mouths of Babes . . . ‘

My Niece had to write a school paper entitled, “Why I am an American Patriot”. She keyed in on something many of us may not have, given the same assignment.

“I don’t think that you have to serve in the military to become a Patriot. My definition of an American Patriot is someone who cares about their country and others enough to give up their time or life for someone else. It doesn’t have to be extreme like fighting over seas; it could be something simple like picking up trash in a park.”

Yeah . . . definition time:
Patriot - a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion.

Did you catch that last part? . . . ‘and its interests’ . . . DEFENDS its interests WITH DEVOTION.

We often forget to read to the period. There are so many great people who live out the most common understanding of this word. Let us never forget the many who live out the greater understanding of this word.

Thanks Elle . . . may your eyes be forever fine-tuned as you continue to grow into an exceptional young woman.

‘SIDESBAR, please . . . '

Those closest to me know that my original career move, fresh out of college was feature film work. I had gone back and forth from theatre to film and finally concentrated on film eventually getting lucky to work a few years in the local industry in Illinois. Looking back, one of my college projects had been to create a short black/white, silent narrative. With a budget next to nothing, old college camera gear and lighting, the assistance of my friends and a few starving actor wannabes, I created a short film that transitions from what appeared to be real life in the first story to that of a TV show in the second story. The second story now had it’s characters viewing the TV show of the first story and that story eventually becomes a film for the third story which had the TV show of the first with the story line of the second on the screen for the characters of the third . . . you get the idea. I entitled it, “Real to Reel”. It was actually very fun and while I honestly thought up the concept all by myself, I later discovered the idea itself was not really a new one – nothing under this sun, you know.

All this to say, I have always been a very visual person and because of this, so many of my analogies revolve around the visual . . . I see TRUTH in ALL things . . . but films are by far, one of my most fun to look at because they are created with a specific idea from the get-go. God presents Himself in ALL things whether the writer intends it or not – it’s an over-riding factor. He’s just waiting for someone to take notice.

It never stops amazing me that what we begin with often stays with us, but the nuances may shift some for now I, more often than not, will see the REAL out of the REEL for the WORD becomes a living, breathing Spirit that ignites insights in the most unusual things.

Sometimes, my head almost hurts at all that I see these days. But I hope it never stops . . . because, trust me . . . nothing compares.

‘Run Forest . . . Run’

My 11 year old son has recently gotten very interested in ‘Forest Gump’. If you know anything about that movie, you know that it is VERY long. My son seems to turn the channel at precisely the right moment when the re-run is showing. Oddly enough, though, he seems to catch it right at the same spot in the movie and never gets to see the beginning when the line, “Run Forest . . .’ is actually shared. Guess I’ll be caving to rent it if his luck doesn’t change here soon.

I am forever amazed at what can be revealed from things that we FEEL we are so familiar with. I could probably have rattled things off from that movie thinking I know a thing or two, but sitting there with my son for a while I saw something I had never seen before. Coming out of the part where Forest had been running for three years straight and wiped his face on that yellow tee-shirt, my son began to ask me if this was a true story, “did this guy really do all these things mom?” I kind of chuckled, and said, ‘No, I see it as just a sweet movie about a simple man who is blessed because he is so simple and loving.’ Many have commentaries on what the movie is mainly about and most hit upon the negative that while he accomplishes all these great things with his simple mind, his true love always eludes him. But there is actually something quite inspiring that many may not see.

Forest, was blessed by so much because he walked in PEACE. Aside from the moments he was sad for Jenny, he was generally happy – and let’s not forget he ended up getting her in the end. While he appeared to have only a small time with Jenny, he actually had a life time with her in his heart and he had a piece of her that lived on in their son. Forest Gump was CONTENT with his life. Something you don’t see much in our society.

Realizing all this, it made me wonder even more . . . do most people ever stop their lives long enough to consider HOW they are living their life?

Now, I’m not suggesting that we all become simple-minded in the manner he was, but I AM suggesting we become more , well . . . ‘simple-minded’. We are taught to THINK too much. We WORRY ourselves with many of the things we were never meant to worry about and we ultimately end up grumbling through life (been there, done that).

It finally makes sense to me . . . ‘Refinement’, that is. We are so often tossed into a life that brings about trials and what often feels like unbearable heart-ache at times . . . only to find ourselves on the other side walking in a little more peace or perhaps patience. Over the years of maturity, we are lucky to fall into several of these attributes . . . which is the main goal of the refinement process, you see.

Galatians 5 spells it out pretty clearly – esp. 5:22-23(a) ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control . . . ‘

Forest Gump – displayed ALL of these. Nine simple attributes that, BECAUSE of his simple-mind, he never had to TRAIN for or be put through the refining fires that many of us find our self’s in . . . he just DID. And because of this, he walked in peace and he was continually blessed. And the greatest of these is LOVE . . . above all else . . . he loved . . . unconditionally.

Hmmmmmmm . . . one might still bulk that this is ONLY a movie, based on a book . . . but think again. There’s one book with this same story that’s been around longer.

Before you turn another calendar page, you might want to consider pushing that STOP BUTTON and really think about this: “Is WHAT you are striving for and HOW you are going about it bearing any fruit?” Please do not misinterpret this as meaning a measure of financial success – for it has nothing to do with money and EVERYTHING to do with what is becoming successful IN YOU.

So, just as Jenny says to Forest and just as Paul suggests to us in Hebrews 12:1 – “Run, Forest . . . Run . . .”

‘Instructions need not Apply’

‘Giftings’ . . . we all claim to have them. Most of us actually WANT them, although I know a few who have grown weary because of them.

Gifting – (one of the definitions) - A talent, endowment, aptitude, or inclination.

Talent – (one def.) a power of mind or body considered as given to a person for use and improvement: so called from the parable in Matt. 25:14–30.
Endowment- (one def.) an attribute of mind or body; a gift of nature
Aptitude – (one def.) readiness or quickness in learning; intelligence
Inclination – (one def.) a disposition or bent, esp. of the mind or will; a liking or preference.

Wow – never took the time to look into this definition until now. I could go on a rant with just this definition alone. It amazes me how so many of us never take the time to really SEE the way something is presented. The WAY something is presented is most times an indication of a deeper meaning. It is often the main reason for misinterpretations of scripture.

The definition above has a very important clue if you care to see it. ‘a talent, endowment, aptitude OR inclination. The use of the word ‘OR’ is meant to point out that this word can mean one of these OR the other – but not together – not a whole.

Inclination is the defining word that I will focus on for this entry – because, yep, you guessed it – it points out a ‘preference’ – a preferred choice to lean one way in particular.

Many who CLAIM to have a specific ‘Gift’ will most likely ACT in a manner that is understood solely by the guided understanding of that gift. A teacher will see only through the eyes of one who teaches, an administrator with only the eyes of one who administers . . . and so on.

Again, I could write several pages on this understanding alone. However, the purpose of this entry is to point out something all together different. When one decides to work in the parameters of their ‘gifting’, there is all together a whole other issue and that is of understanding the LIMITATIONS of that gifting. If only it would come with an ‘Owner’s Manual’ – oh, that’s right – it does, but – once again - many fail to READ IT.

Perhaps some churches do this already – after the last entry, I will be the first to admit I have not taken the time to look into this – providing an owner’s manual, that is - in addition to the Word.

Now, as with all things, I hope you realize by now that I WILL NOT speak on ANYTHING that I have not had the chance to personally fumble through. It is because I have errored in these areas that I speak so passionately about them.

I specifically went to the owner’s manual of one of my TOOLS. Because that is what a gifting really is, is it not – a tool to being effective in change ????

Under Operator’s Manual, I found several notations but will focus on just a few:

Installation and Operating – sounds pretty obvious – with a gifting, we FEEL it has been installed in us and we therefore OPERATE in our own understanding of this gifting – hopefully we seek COUNSEL in this area.

Maintenance and Repair – wow, possibly an area we fail to oversee. Any sound service group understands that one needs to CONTINUE to maintain and repair through regular check-ups. Again – could spend several pages on this one alone.

Safety Warnings – What may appear as the obvious is often times overlooked and many an accident has come from improper USE of the gifting.

Which brings me to the KEY point of this whole entry.

‘Intended Use’- Again, this often appears as an obvious, but many SELDOM take the time to really look into this part. Rather than take the time to understand what each gifting is, we often rip open our new tool and start using it before we find out anything about it’s INTENDED USE. I have found the hard way, that there are definite times these gifts SHOULD NOT be used. Perhaps if I had taken the time to thoroughly READ the 'intended useage', some of the my fender-benders may not have happened.

As you continue in your own digging, please be mindful to read the instructions BEFORE beginning anything . . . and don’t forget to go back and read the instructions on those tools you’ve been using for quite some time . . . you might be surprised by what you’ve forgotten or perhaps never knew.

'Sound Sources'

Ok, just for the record – for those of you keeping track - football players are NOT the only ones who FUMBLE. I did it again, just recently with something that I, one would think, should have known better not to.

Recently, I received that very popular email that is going around about Barack Obama. I received it from a friend whom I have grown to love and respect. A day or so later, I received another email – from someone on this person’s list who, very gently, reminded us all of the need to take these emails to another source to seek FACTS before we hit ‘forward’.

Now, I have known about these fact-seeking websites and have used them before – but did not do so with this particular email. In fact, I had had a discussion on this email before not agreeing but not disputing and failed to see the great fumble that I had gotten myself into. I say that I should have known to check out facts because this – of all things – has, yes, once again, been that soapbox of mine over these last few years (people will perceive what they want – without looking into the facts of something). Because my life has changed so much, I have been under much scrutiny for making certain changes in my life - for the way I now live my life – not many have come to me to find out the WHY’s of these things bit instead, have made their judgements based on the way they believe things should be rather than what they really are.

While I did not forward this email, I STILL fell back on old habits with even the smallest thing – like the LACK of looking into the SOURCE for my own knowledge. I took something at face value. I had done so, because a few weeks earlier – another friend of mine, someone who takes pride in finding out FACTS, had also passed this along. Because, again, I knew the character of this other person, I did not feel the need to check it out further and so my fumble really began back then – my how long a football field can really be.

We often place SO MUCH TRUST in a person or THING that we often become lazy in our efforts to seek TRUTH.

The kicker in all this (hey, just analogizing in the spirit of the football season) is that we don’t even know if those fact-finding sources are indeed factual.

So the question remains . . . WHO and WHAT do we ultimately believe?

I choose to accept certain pieces of information that I – MYSELF – have uncovered as truth, applying the principles that Scripture reveals and to do so with another underlying truth that there is ALWAYS more than meets the eye – there are always two sides to every story. And then, I need to continually REMIND myself to do these very things in each and every situation . . . perhaps the hardest part of all.

By the way, if you are interested, when I went to one of those sources – it paralleled Claims with Facts – ironically enough, most of the claims had included many of the facts. But the FINE DETAILS were different (we twist truths to SEE and HEAR what we want to see and hear in every situation).

Many of the facts used are slated as being quotes from Mr. Obama’s own book – his own words. Now the question is, ‘is that really what his book quotes?’ . . . I don’t know, I never read his book . . .

May your tools remain sound as you continue to dig . . .

'Boldness'

A friend of mine confessed that she hoped for more boldness in the upcoming year. A seeker of the same, she tends to walk through life a little more quietly than I do. If one were to put the two of us together and just watch as we communicated, one would gather right off the bat that I was by far the bolder of the two just by the manner in which I conduct myself. But this isn’t always the case, for just today, I have decided to release the address of this blog to a few select and I have felt sheepish as this decision comes with MUCH hesitation . . . vulnerability is now at hand.

We often CONFUSE the nature of the word with a set of perceived ideas that surround the definition of the word, for BOLDNESS does not necessarily mean LOUD and DIRECT. Yes – loud and ‘in your face’ is mostly recognized as being bold – but many a quiet soul, has been recognized for boldness.

Boldness - the very first definition is: not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff.

. . . NOT HESITATING or FEARFUL in the face of . . . .rebuff. Let me just say . . . I can tell you a few things about being rebuffed . . .

When I think of Ghandi . . . I think of quiet boldness – I have witnessed his character from the confines of my couch . . . quiet boldness. It’s the character of one’s spirit.

I shared with my friend that I have already witnessed boldness in her . . . and quite honestly hope to attain that same quiet boldness . . . a quiet confidence in the abilities that I am bestowed.

May you find your boldness in this new year . . .

'-------- Trusts and ---- Currents'

A somewhat amusing derailment from the ‘usuality’ (just made that up) of this blog. I have stated that I purpose myself to finding out the definitions of many words in order to find an understanding in most things – especially communications. Over the last couple of years, I have found some rather amusing twists that have given me an initial chuckle and an overall relief from situations that inadvertently might have brought heaviness to my days.

While I don’t usually like to name names, at the risk of getting somewhat personal, this one is just too good to not include. I have reposted this EDITED version deleting the actual names from the original as it is pressing on my heart to remove them. I figure if you really have extra time on your hands, you will find a way to retrieve the actual names, but I do not want the intended purpose of this entry to be replaced by a focus on the people – only the message.

Of the two significant men in my life these last 15 years, ironically enough – I have discovered specific definitions that have included their names. More significant than that, though is the unusual connection to the personal heartaches I have ‘allowed’ because of the relationships I have had with these two men. I will step out of the box of my overall amusement enough, however, to take it a step further – because most often than not, what initially APPEARS as a NEGATIVE, is often times MORE POSITIVE when viewed through Healed Eyes.

I begin with the -------- Trust – a simple definition for a simple man (yet another strange truth): a fixed-term, irrevocable trust account usually opened as a means of reducing the income taxes of the grantor (the person who opens the account and deposits funds in the account). The trust must last for a minimum of 10 years. (in it’s original form – exactly 10 years and one day) During that time, income from the account is paid to a named beneficiary, and thus is not taxable to the grantor. At the end of the term of the trust, the principal, or property placed in trust, reverts to the grantor.

*** NOW - I was married to this man for a little over 13 years. Up through the 10th year, I can honestly say that, even through some rather tough times, we had a pretty good marriage. But it was the later years that seem to take us down. Our marriage had ended as he optioned out. Time heals all wounds and squinting to see through those new eyes, I have come to have an understanding by the use of this definition. I have come to understand that in the big scheme of things, perhaps he really didn’t have a ‘choice’ in the matter. Perhaps BECAUSE things were laid out the way they were, a temporary trust was given to me for a time – but that was all he was actually CAPABLE of granting – for I have come to believe that he is literally INCAPABLE, by his genetic nature, of giving more. It was almost an ordained, pre-set limitation. All TRUSTS reverted back to him at the end of the designated time. In simpler terms, “It is what it is so move on – I can tell you right now that I am certainly not interested in renewing this type of TRUST” in the future. But I can also tell you that I can now SEE that every THING, every PERSON that comes into one’s life is PURPOSED, whether it be for a long time, or a short time. It is up to us to choose what we eventually DO with our RETURN on INVESTMENT.

Now, for the later – the ---- Currents – a rather complicated definition for a rather complicated man (I’m telling you, the truths are too scary with these – if you wish to not read through this whole part - really, only my brother would do that, I am hoping that you will at least recognize some key words so when you finally read my personal side of things it will connect for you somewhat.): (also known as Foucault current) is an electrical phenomenon discovered by French physicist Léon Foucault in 1851. It is caused when a moving (or changing) magnetic field intersects a conductor, or vice-versa. The relative motion causes a circulating flow of electrons, or current, within the conductor. These circulating ------ of current create electromagnets with magnetic fields that oppose the effect of the applied magnetic field (see Lenz's law). The stronger the applied magnetic field, or greater the electrical conductivity of the conductor, or greater the relative velocity of motion, the greater the currents developed and the greater the opposing field.

It is important to appreciate that ---- currents are created when a moving conductor experiences changes in the magnetic field generated by a stationary object, as well as when a stationary conductor encounters a varying magnetic field. Both effects are present when a conductor moves through a varying magnetic field, as is the case at the top and bottom edges of the magnetized region shown in the diagram. ---- currents will be generated wherever a conducting object experiences a change in the intensity or direction of the magnetic field at any point within it, and not just at the boundaries. The swirling current set up in the conductor is due to electrons experiencing a Lorentz force that is perpendicular to their motion. Hence, they veer to their right, or left, depending on the direction of the applied field and whether the strength of the field is increasing or declining. The resistivity of the conductor acts to damp the amplitude of the eddy currents, as well as straighten their paths. Lenz's law encapsulates the fact that the current swirls in such a way as to create an induced magnetic field that opposes the phenomenon that created it. In the case of a varying applied field, the induced field will always be in the opposite direction to that applied. The same will be true when a varying external field is increasing in strength. However, when a varying field is falling in strength, the induced field will be in the same direction as that originally applied, in order to oppose the decline. Sometimes an object or part of an object experiences steady fields where there is still relative motion (for example in the center of the field in the diagram), or unsteady fields where the currents cannot circulate due to the geometry of the conductor. In these situations charges collect on or within the object and these charges then produce static electric potentials that oppose any further flow of current. Currents may be initially associated with the creation of static potentials, but these may be transitory and small. ---- currents create losses through Joule heating. More accurately, ---- currents transform useful forms of energy, such as kinetic energy, into heat, which is generally much less useful. Hence they reduce the efficiency of many devices that use changing magnetic fields, such as iron-core transformers and electric motors. They are minimized by selecting magnetic core materials that have low electrical conductivity (e.g., ferrites) or by using thin sheets of magnetic material, known as laminations. Electrons cannot cross the insulating gap between the laminations and so are unable to circulate on wide arcs. Charges gather at the lamination boundaries, in a process analogous to the Hall effect, producing electric fields that oppose any further accumulation of charge and hence suppressing the flow of ---- currents. The shorter the distance between adjacent laminations (i.e., the greater the number of laminations per unit area, perpendicular to the applied field), the greater the suppression of ---- currents. The loss of useful energy is not always undesirable, however, as there are some practical applications. One is in the brakes of some trains known as an ---- current brake. During braking, the metal wheels are exposed to a magnetic field from an electromagnet, generating ---- currents in the wheels. The ---- currents meet resistance as they flow through the metal, thus dissipating energy as heat, and this acts to slow the wheels down. The faster the wheels are spinning, the stronger the effect, meaning that as the train slows the braking force is reduced, producing a smooth stopping motion. The term ---- current comes from analogous currents seen in water when dragging an oar: localised areas of turbulence known as ------ give rise to persistent vortices.

*** NOW - here’s the thing with ----, I met him just shortly after my marriage fell apart. He was and still is a force to be reckoned with – one that continually goes AGAINST the natural flow of things. I resisted as best I could – trying to set boundaries around me but the charge that was created was almost too powerful. With our relationship there was always a stronger outer force – everything about us revolved around God. Together, we are passionate about all things – but in order to create the many POSITIVES in our lives– we are forever repelling each other. Something that has been very hard for me to understand.

This new job has me as an Education Coordinator for a recycling center. During a tour of the plant where I am working, I walked through the system and took a special PAUSE at the section that utilizes the “---- CURRENT”. As I stood there for a moment – I realized something. The section that used this current was the aluminum section. As the conveyor belt passed through this section, the materials that were on this belt were SEPARATED. The Aluminum was ‘repelled’ out from the other materials – literally PUSHED AWAY by this ‘force’ so that it landed in a specific drum that would ‘mold’ the aluminum into a form that was to be shipped off as it was ‘worth’ something to the buyer of the materials.

Ironically enough – one of the main purposes that ---- seems to have in my life is to PUSH ME in directions that eventually mold me – directions that REMOVE me from the things that I am not to be a part of - ultimately REFINING me, recycling the good that is already in me by removing the impurities that I have aloud to surround me. Oddly enough, whenever we would work too hard – the friction becomes too hot (we are both hot-headed) and we both become less effective. Repelling is sometimes the only way to create the positive force – a re-direction, if you will to the things we are BOTH supposed to be doing at this time. While hard to understand at times, all and all, a good thing to have in my life.

Pretty freaky, when you stop to look into the definitions around you. Pretty amazing what you will SEE if you set your gaze to find truth in ALL things. Until next time . . . make choices to see your defining lessons . . .